


A Storm Has Come

by Polarnacht



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Mild Angst, Multi, Parabatai, Polyamory, Post-Canon, implied suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26948905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht
Summary: A storm has come and taken away what Jace and Magnus love the most: Alec. In the wake of this storm they have to deal with grief in its different forms: Anger, rage, pain. But they also find a calm: in each other, in their love.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Jace Wayland
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31
Collections: SHBingo 20-21





	A Storm Has Come

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to Jessa for being my beta: You're making my writing so much better 💙
> 
> Part of the Shadowhunter Bingo - square fill: hurt/comfort

Jace stood on the rooftop of the New York Institute, staring into the nothingness. He had just come back from a mission but not bothered to shower or change. Instead, he had come up here, still covered in blood and ichor.

It was cold, mid November, and it was already getting dark. A merciless wind blew from the side and Jace watched his hands slowly turning blue. He watched , but he didn’t register it. He didn’t feel cold. He didn’t feel warm either. He just felt numb. Betrayed. Betrayed by promises that had been given and broken. Betrayed by life itself. Foremost, though, he felt betrayed by Alec. His Parabatai. His lover for several years now. But in the end, Alec had left him. Just like he had always feared.

When he heard steps behind him, Jace didn’t turn. He knew to whom the steps belonged, would recognize them among thousands. He didn’t turn when strong arms wrapped him in a warm embrace. He just stood and stared into the slowly darkening, starless sky. He didn’t lean back when he was squeezed even tighter and gentle fingers brushed over his cold hands. He was way too angry for any of that.

“I wish I could see him again. Just one more time.” Jace’s voice sounded as cold as the November air, though all who knew him well enough could easily detect the agony behind the apparent indifference.

Magnus carded with one hand through Jace’s too-long blond hair, hoping Jace would turn soft in his arms, turn around or just be slightly less rigid.

“And what would you do if you saw him again?” Magnus asked tenderly, though he thought he knew the answer. At least he knew what he would do if he saw Alec again.

“I would punch him. I would fucking punch him until he bleeds and he feels how much it hurts to miss him. How could he, Magnus? How could he leave me? Us?” Jace pressed the words through gritted teeth, each word held the pain of loving someone who was no longer there to love. His jaw hurt from the force with which he was clenching down.

“I am so fucking angry at him. This is not how it was supposed to be. This is not what he promised, Magnus.” Jace bit back tears. Tears of rage, tears of pain. Sometimes they were the same. 

They had vowed to love each other in an unofficial ceremony. They had promised care and commitment. They had promised forever. Leaving out that forever was sometimes just a handful of years. 

“It’s okay to be angry, Jace. It’s okay to feel.” Magnus at least preferred angry Jace over the stony version Jace had been right after Alec’s death, multiple times. For a short time Magnus had feared to have lost both Alec and Jace. Jace had been frozen, not able to feel anything at all. Magnus had been relieved when Jace had finally broken down and screamed his rage and anger at him. When they had finally cried together. 

But Jace was not finished. “I am so angry at them. I can’t look at them without wanting to murder therm. They have taken everything from him while he was alive. They pressured him into leading this damn Institute though he never really wanted this. They put the weight of the world on his shoulders and expected him to carry it. And now even in his death they can’t leave him alone. Even now he has to serve the fucking cause. Even now they can’t leave him be.” Jace drew in a shaky breath, his fingers digging deep into the flesh of Magnus’ hand that was still around his waist, but Magnus didn’t flinch away.

“They should have listened to us,” Magnus agreed sadly. He felt the same rage that Jace did but right now he kept it at bay. Sometimes it seemed they took turns who was about to fall apart and today it was Jace’s.

Alec’s parents had insisted that Alec was to be burned and his ashes were to be brought to the Silent City, to help guard the place. Alec’s final contribution to the world of Nephilim. He was not granted a peaceful death. Even dying hadn’t prevented him from having to hold up the Lightwood name. Jace and Magnus had fought against it. They wanted peace for Alec, a peace he hadn’t been granted in life. But they had lost. 

Though the three of them had been in a relationship for years, the Clave, Robert and Maryse had never accepted them. Jace was Alec’s Parabatai, but not more. And in their books, Magnus was not more than a random Warlock, barely existent. His parents were officially Alec’s next of kin, so they had been allowed to decide what to do. And of course they had not listened to Jace’s or Magnus’ wishes. So Alec had burned and Jace and Magnus had been forced to watch how the moment the pyre had stopped fuming his ashes had been sent to Alec's impersonal grave in the Silent City. For Alec to perform his last and endless job of guarding this place.

“I wish we had a place to mourn him. A fucking mundane grave, like Clary’s mother has.” Jace hadn’t loosened his grip on Magnus’ hand and Magnus just pulled him closer, embracing him again with both arms, his head resting on his shoulder.

“We have a place to mourn him. We can mourn him wherever we are. He will always be part of us,” Magnus whispered against Jace’s ear. He understood Jace’s wish to have a place to go to, but in the end a place was just that. A place. “It’s not him they took away to bring to the City of Bones. Alec is still here. In us. In you.” Magnus’ hand found its way to Jace’s hip, brushing over the Parabatai rune. The rune stood out still black and sharp against Jace’s skin. It hadn’t faded like it should have - probably a side effect of their consumed bond. “His soul is still there.” 

Magnus felt Jace shudder under his hand. 

“That’s not enough.” Jace's voice was trembling, as was his body.

“I know. It never will be.” But maybe the pain would fade to be bearable. It already did sometimes. There were days Magnus caught both of them laughing, enjoying the happy moments they were granted. But the fall after carefree times was so much harder. 

But Magnus was glad to have experienced the height with Alec, even if it had been unspeakably short. Not more than the blink of an eye for someone who was immortal. But as the flap of a butterfly could change the spinning of the world, this blink of an eye had changed Magnus’. Alec had brought thunder to his life and returned to his eyes a fire he believed long extinguished. And he had brought Jace. Jace whom he had first tolerated as Alec’s soulmate, but who he then had come to love as fiercely as he had loved Alec. And still did.

“I swear to the damn angels, if anything ever happens to you... “ Jace couldn’t finish the sentence, just thinking of it hurt too much to be ever voiced. But he didn’t need to. Magnus knew what Jace wanted to say. He felt the same. Finally Jace turned around and their eyes met, the unspoken pact clear in their gaze. 

With gentle hands Magnus brushed away Jace’s tears that had silently fallen. “It’s not your fault, Jace.” 

Jace just huffed. “I haven’t said anything.” 

“But I know you, sweetheart.” Magnus pressed a soft kiss to Jace’s cold, blue lips. Jace had been on a mission when demons had invaded the New York Institute - and killed Alec. The thought that Alec had died without him haunted Jace. That he had not been there to protect him; that maybe, if he had been there, he could have saved him. But these were maybes and ifs that they would never be able to explore. 

“It’s not your fault.” Magnus repeated, more persistent now. He would repeat it until Jace truly believed it. 

“Hm,” was Jace’s only reply, but he sounded a little less defiant. 

“So what would you really do if you were to meet him again?” Magnus asked gently. 

Jace had turned around again, leaning into Magnus this time.

“Oh, I would definitely punch him. And then kiss him. And then punch him again.” Jace laughed a little helplessly.

“Mmh, I would love to see that. You always looked amazing fighting each other.” Watching Jace and Alec train had always been calming and arousing at the same time. The intimacy of their fighting, of seeing that they knew every move the other would make and yet still they tried to surprise each other, had held a certain charm. Magnus still remembered the last time they had trained. It had ended like it often had: with one pinned to the ground, turning from fighting into foreplay. It was the tragedy of things that one mostly was aware of the first moments in life, but never the lasts - only aware of the lasts when it was too late. 

Magnus conjured a magical blanket and wrapped it around them, covering them both in warmth. Magnus’ and Jace’s hands found their way to each other, interlacing and then coming to a rest over the Parabatai rune. The rune didn’t jolt or buzz anymore, but sometimes Jace could swear he felt a little humming.

“Do you really think he is not fully gone?” Jace bit his lip, leaning his full weight on Magnus.

“It’s Alec. He would never leave us completely.” Magnus was sure about that. He had lost many loved ones in his life, but it had never felt like this. It had never been so painful. The pain had never held that tiny bit of comfort.

“Yeah,” Jace replied, while he snuggled up just a little closer, wrapped in Magnus and his magic, watching the starless, pitch black November night sky. “It’s Alec.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are loved 💙


End file.
